Funny how life works...

So we were pregnant last week and I lost it. How funny is that? Not like ha-ha funny, but interesting. I thought we'd get out of having to go through the Invitro, but I guess not. How lucky are we that we are still in the running to be able to have a baby. I talked with the Rep for the fund and she said that the board hasn't met yet. So we are still out months before anything even happens and that is IF they choose us.... We are praying for strength and know honestly that the peace will come again through Heavenly Father and we know that He knows us and loves us. We have always been taken care of; during trials we may not know why things happen the way they do, but I can always look back and have an "ahh-haa" moment. I see His hand in my life. I have TOTAL faith that what has and will happen is the best thing for Mark and I.

......Even though this TOTALLY sucks!! But like always, we get through it.

No news- good news?

I talked with the gal who is our contact for the fund and she said that the committee have not asked for the applications yet or have set a date for looking at the applications. It could be a week from now or 4 months from now. We hadn't heard anything so I was kind of worried that they didn't pick us, so it is nice to know that they just haven't even looked at us yet. So good news I guess....

Just waiting to hear...

We turned in like a dictionary full of paperwork to the foundation- waiting to hear back if they accept our paperwork and a social worker will call us and set up an appointment to meet with us. We still have quite a few more hoops to jump through. Everyone keep your fingers crossed! Anyway, I have attached a picture of my two beautiful niece and nephew on Memorial Day. Aren't they the cutest thing you have ever seen?

Holy cow- we are LOST!

We got an appointment with the Miracle Fund on Wednesday- it was a meeting to go over all the paperwork and fill out our application. Mark and I had to take separate cars and we got so lost. Not only were there no places to park, but once inside the hospital I couldn't find my way around. Of course Mark and I got separated and I had no way of getting in touch with him. I saw it as a sign- this was never going to happen. After being 30 minutes late, very close to tears and probably swearing under my breath; I walked down a hallway and this nice lady was coming the other way. I told her I was so lost and needed to find Esther- she smiled and said she was Esther. My sign started to fade... still frazzled and unable to reach Mark I had no idea how he could find his way here. A few minutes later in he walks.....okay, so the sign broke into pieces.

We had such a nice talk with Esther and all the fears and doubts I had prior to the meeting just washed away. Luckily I had read some other families blogs off the Internet that had gone through the Miracle Fund, so I kind of knew what to expect- knew all the steps we had to take in order to just turn in the application.

I feel like Mark and I are doing everything we can to have a baby. If this doesn't work, if we don't get accepted....it will be hard, but I can accept that. It just isn't meant to be. There is something else- adoption or maybe by some miracle we will get pregnant on our own.

Blood work

I was able to finalize my blood work this last week- the most important was the FSH test which would determine my hormone level. If it was too high the Miracle Fund would not accept us. Good news- I was just right. We submitted our names yesterday and we are just waiting back to hear when they want to meet with us.

Blah, blah, blah

I feel a little discouraged today. I am not sure if it is the potential that all this we are doing won't matter because we won't get chosen for the Miracle Fund or that we will get chosen and I will go through all the craziness and we won't get pregnant. Ugh! I think once you get to this point, once you have had so much hope and it gets crushed every month over and over, maybe you should expect days like this. ....hmmmm.

I wish I was totally peppy and upbeat continuously, but it just is not possible unless you are on like Prozac or something. Not on those happy pills yet.

Invitro Decision

I wanted to update you on what is going on- what happened today.

A LOT!

We went to our fertility doc who we had to go to in order to submit our names into the fund to pay for the very expensive Invitro. Holy junk guys- there is so much stuff! Once we finally pay all the little things we need to do just to submit our names (YES THERE IS MORE! Probably another $2K) and lets say we are approved, then all this other stuff has to happen.

I have to start my period, on my 3rd day I have to start taking birth control pills. Sounds like it defeats the whole purpose to get pregnant, but it is to take control of the cycle. After at least 12 days I start having to give myself a shot in the stomach every single day for 3 weeks, it is called Lupron. This is telling the body to send the follicles (immature eggs, kinda) to the ovaries and to send a lot. In the second week of taking Lupron, I need to give myself another shot on top of the Lupron, called FSH, Follicle Stimulation Hormone. This tells the follicles to mature the eggs. I take this for 10 days on top of the Lupron. During this time the doctors monitor you each day to make sure that you aren't releasing a ton of follicles (complications could make you VERY sick and making your ovaries swell immensely) There is ultrasounds and blood tests each day for like a week during this time. On the 11th day from starting the FSH the doctors decide if you are ready for the egg retrieval. If they decide you are ready, you stop taking the FSH and Lupron that day. The next day, which is the 12th day after starting FSH they dope you up so much that you are out of it, so they can take the eggs out. They go into your ovaries and go into each follicle and suck out the eggs. I guess it is VERY painful without the drugs. The two weeks prior to the retrieval the male takes 2 pills daily, called Doxy. On the retrieval day the woman starts taking progesterone by a shot in the hip muscle. It is so painful that you are unable to do it yourself, your husband has to do it for you. You take progesterone for 2 1/2 weeks. YIKES!


They take all the eggs that were taken out and fertilize all. After the 5th day, the embryos are evaluated, many will die and will not be adequate. The 2 strongest they will implant into the woman. You can freeze any other strong eggs to use at a later date- this is ideal because you don't have to do all the past 4 weeks of hormonal crap.

17 days after the egg retrieval you should do a pregnancy test. You can also stop the progesterone shots.

I never knew any of this stuff- had no idea that it was so invasive, so unsure and so in depth.

Another thing we found out, if there are 2 embryos implanted there is a bigger chance for babies that are smaller, early delivery and possible birth defects (wide range) they don't know why that is, but with doing Invitro this possibility is obviously higher. When there is only one, the chances of birth defects are less and more of a possibility for a normal pregnancy.

So I left information with the Fund lady so hopefully that ball will get rolling so we can know if I get to go through all of this!

Oh boy!...or girl, or boy and girl...hahahahaha